Age!!!

[Lhene]

Have you ever fall into someone whose age is about 20-30 years ahead of you? What hapened then? will you marry a person who has that age gap? Please help. thanks

 

[Lhene]

Thanks for the response..it was nice...your cousin made it possible. She's an example of real love...

 

[thomasx]

oh my gosh.....People are still here!!! :O

I missed this place so much! I migrated over to Ldssingles, but at $12/mth it wasnt nearly as good.

I've always been a big advocate of "age is just a number" myself...although it burns my skin when the 29-30 yr old guys are always chasing the 18yr olds not out of love, but a desire for "someone young and hot to marry" *rolls eyes*

[Lhene]

how would you know if it's out of love or tyhe other way arround then?

 

[BruceAdama]

Both my girlfriends have been older than me. I am attracted to older women. When I was 18, my girldfriend was 29, and when I was 24, my girlfriend at that time was 42.

 

-BruceAdama

[YANEZ_KARINA]

Well i had a very nice relation with a guy 10 yeras older than me, and it was a very good experience, even when it was not ended in a marriage now we are very good friends.

[saintprecious]

I have always dated older girls and i must confess its been a kinda lesson.  I cope so well but its like in Africa, people hold age as a flag of truce. the older girls wouldn't want togo out with some one younger than they are but to me, age has always been and will always be figures, mere figures. If my future spouse happens to be older,I am not bothered.

[drnice]

I know several couples who fall into the catagory you are describing.  Most of them are very happy with their choice.   A small number have struggles, but they married (I think) for the worong reasons to begin with (money, security, sex, other shallow reasons) instead of marrying because they had found someone they could not imagine living without.

Ever couple has differences and commonalities.  It is the things you share in common that make love grow (and sometimes it can even be the differences that make love work).  Age is only one of many, many factors one must consider when making a forever commitment, and I think it is a lessor factor personally.  Sharing the same beliefs is the biggest factor I think.

You like apples, I like cherries.  Neither is right or wrong, they are just personal preferences.  You like those your own age, I like those who are more mature than I or younger than I.  I have said many times - every person has their own set of personal preferences and we should not judge others for what they choose or who they choose to spend eternity with.

If, instead of asking about age, someone asked if it's okay to marry someone of a different race or if it's okay to marry someone who is divorced or if it's okay to marry someone who is handicapped or (fill in this space with your own personal prejudice), I would answer the same way;  If you love them, they love you and you are both ready , willing and able to make an eternal commitment to one another it does not matter what other people would or would not do, it is your decision.

If you are a person who has to have other people tell you who is okay for you to marry, then you are not ready to marry.  Just keep asking questions though, so you can figure out what it is you really want and why.

[wild_angel]

Realistically, most relationships work better when people are closer in age.  It helps if you are from the same generation.  Of course a lot of men in their 30-50's are still looking for a 19 year old.  Whatever!!  I personally feel 5 or 6 years difference isn't that bad but really if you are 10 to 20 years apart, there is always something missing from the relationship.  Very few of those actually work; and even if they stay married, most of the time it is dysfunctional.  But people choose what they feel comfortable with.

[Mitt3ns]

lol wen i saw this  i just had to reply. ive never ever dated a guy around my age b/c i feel like guys around my age are soo immature.  well at least the boys in boston are lol.i cant stand it. the oldest guy ive ever dated was like i think 28 and im 18. so i think it doesnt matter the age gap. if u connect and are really into each other you shouldnt worry about the age. b/c all the other qualities ex it out. =)

[hobojaks]

I think if you believe in the concept of a patriarchal order where the man is the head of the household and actually using his priesthood authority you have a great advantage if this is a older and wiser man.  I mean would you really want some immature 22 year old having that kind of authority over you and abusing it.  Back in older times when men were men and women were women in other cultures the man was almost always older.  For example in roman times it was perfectly normal for the man to be much older than the woman.

     I think it is one of the doctrines of feminism that the man should be "age appropriate" so that the woman will not have an older more experienced man capable of being the head of a family but instead some young kid that is easier for her to gain the upper hand with.  Also if one partner is going to be older and more experienced it just about has to be the man if there are going to be children.  For example if the woman is 40 and the man is 19 there can't re any children, yet the other way around you have an older more experience father who is probably better able to provide for the family and a young and fertile wife who can give birth to them.

     Come to think of it wasn't Adam older than Eve?  And as far as lusting after 19 year old girls, I think that 19 year old guys do just as much lusting as the older ones if not more.  Some girls lust after younger men, and some even fall in love with them, and I don't think it is always a bad thing.  People love who they love, but I don't think if they are getting married for the right reasons that an older guy is necessicarliy a bad thing.  And if this older guy wants to have a large family it does place a certain maximum age on the woman.  For example what if the man feels that he has five spirit children already assigned to him just waiting to come to earth and receive bodies?  That makes it pretty tough on a 37 year old woman, what is she supposed to do, have a child every year until she is 42.  That would probably kill her, and if you were to figure that a woman needs to rest three years between pregnancys, and that really every thing over the age of 35 is a high risk one, and that 35 is a really good age to stop, then that makes the proper age for the woman to be only 20 so she can have three years rest between children, and stop when she is 35.

     But then if you are a feminist, and believe a woman can do anything a man can do, then of course a 37 year old woman can have as many children as she wants just like a 37 year old guy, but if you believe in biology this is not true and the men that really want to have children really need to choose a younger woman.

[Puzzlesnpieces]

Hobojaks, just wanted to correct some facts real quick:

You said: "That would probably kill her, and if you were to figure that a woman needs to rest three years between pregnancys, and that really every thing over the age of 35 is a high risk one, and that 35 is a really good age to stop, then that makes the proper age for the woman to be only 20 so she can have three years rest between children, and stop when she is 35."

In fact it would probably not kill her. Many women have their babies barely a year apart from each other. It seems kind of crazy, since that is really close in age, but not impossible. Women don't need to rest for three years. In fact the medical recommendation is not to even attempt anything until 3 months has passed, not three years. And women aren't recommended to stop at 35. Rather, the medical norm is that your risk increases dramatically after 40, but it's still quite possible to bear a child after 40. Not disputing your argument, just correcting your facts. :)

[wildflower]

If the idea is simply looking for a woman who can have children then 35 is not to old.  I was 19 when my oldest child was born and 42 when the youngest child arrived.  The pregnancy and delivery were easier with each child the youngest being the easiest.  I know that I am a much different parent now than I was at 20 and even 30.  Things that bothered me then I have learned patience with.  My youngest 2 children have challenges but they are not birth related.  Yes as the mother gets older the chance of certain birth defects goes up but not really that much.  The national average age of first time births have been on the rise for years and now is approaching early 30's.  Age should not be a  deciding factor in choice of a partner. 

Unrighteous dominion is not a factor of age is is a personality and spiritual problem.  Age is not the factor in it.  A person who has learned Christ-like love and compassion will not exert undo authority over their spouse.  This is true for males as well as females.  I have seen couples where the wife runs the house and orders her husband around and where the opposite is true.  Either is not the plan of the Lord.  The Lord gave men authority because there has to be a plan and organization.  He gave the men the priesthood and the responsibility for being the barrier between the world and the family.  This means that their focus is more turned outward and they are able to see danger to the family from the outside world.  Women were given the right and responsibility to look inward.  To care for the needs of the family within the home.  This means that she is usually more in tune with what is going on inside the walls of the home.  A good loving couple will see this and give credit to their partner for the strength that is brought into the relationship.  They will discuss issues and not move forward until both sides have an understanding of the issue.  This is a life skill some people learn it early and some late a few never learn it.  Age of the individuals has some bearing but we learn what is important to us when it is important not on an age schedule.  If learning to have righteous dominion is important you will learn it early.  If it is not important to you then you may never learn that lesson.

[hobojaks]

Perhaps, I am blinded by my own perspective, but I have been corresponding with a woman somewhat younger than myself over the internet, and I have had some really nice phone calls with her as well.  I can already tell that she is probably the most stubborn and strong willed woman I have ever encountered, and also one of the smartest.  Since I am a convert to Mormonism I have noticed that all the choicest wives tend to get married fairly young.  Well maybe not all the choicest, but certainly the vast majority.

     Then sadly comes the older women with a lot of baggage, and the first time you get them on the phone with you they want to tell you all about what a jerk their former husband was, and they are bitter, or for some reason they wanted to get married but ended up being the sad girl in the singles ward that nobody else wanted to marry.  And if you are a convert they have these special social functions designed especially for these "left overs" types to be able to find a man.  I imagine it is pretty much the same for the woman, going to a singles adult ward, that they meet only the left over men.  So is that a great basis for a relationship, "Hey I am a looser that no one else wants to marry, and so are you, so we already have something in common".  Well maybe for some people, at least for those who are of the opinion that being single is the worst thing in the world.  The way I see it a good relationship is great, but it is entirely possible to be in a bad relationship that is worse than being single.

     So anyway way when, a younger more attractive woman, who has 50 other guys interested in her, is calling you, she is giving you an indication that she must really like you and she sees something special in you.  But a woman who is interested in you because you are the only guy that is interested in her, can have a tendency to come off as desperate.  She can make you feel like she really doesn't like you all that much but she is just settling for you.  The sad truth is that she probably is, and I know that this all sounds so cynical, but my cynical view is rooted in the sad experience of being a convert, and getting kicked out of the YSA ward upon reaching the age of "menacehood"(sic).

[fire_rescue79]

I have been curious about this topic for some time. My paternal grandfather was 10 years older than my grandmother and I want to know if that will work today. I would date, even marry someone 8 to 10 years younger, but not older. It isn't about the age or even the "youthful vigor", but the connection between yourself and a particular demographic. I don't believe a difference of much more than 10 years would be a good idea, but every relationship is unique.

[Salsa]

I use to think age doesn't matter however after having dated one who is 12 yrs younger I change my mind. I will say that in cases of age, it all depends on the emotional/spiritual maturity of the involved parties

[ronin74]

I found that many of the women my age tend to not want to start another family as they tend to already have one. As such I find myself looking towards younger women. Because of this I have done much research on the subject and find that here in North America we tend to have things wrong. It is the social norm that we seek a companion that is around the same age as us. Yet if we marry somebody that is within 3 years of our age then the chances of divorce skyrocket. At 3 years difference the marriage has a fighting chance but 5+ years will maximize the chances of a successful marriage. Some studies show extreme age differences, such as 10-20 years, will reduce your chances of success but others contradict this so it is inconclusive. According to these studies the only thing for sure is marrying somebody your own age is a very bad idea.

Don't get mad at me if you disagree. Most of these studies I read were published in the American Medical Journal and American Psychiatric Journal and all are widely accredited.

My personal experience tends to support the studies indicating great age difference as being beneficial. Many of the relatives on my Dad's side of the family have married people of 10+ years age difference. Only one such couple divorced. Most of those that married or were common law with somebody close to their own age ended poorly.

Fact is there is only one reason for divorce. That is selfishness. If one has proper faith and charity then it matters not the age difference, race, financial situation, education or any other factor. It matters not our life experience, nobody is ever ready for marriage. The person we love tends to be different than the person we marry as we have yet to truly understand who they are until years after the wedding. It is our love/charity and our hope/faith in each other that will carry us through the hard times/trials, and forge the marriage to that of a celestial bond.

Either 12:28 "and I will show unto the that faith , hope , and charity bringeth unto me - the fountain of all righteousness."