Would you marry someone who was mentally ill?

[IshaJ]

I know there has been quite a bit of discrimination in the church against our mentally ill brothers and sisters which is damn right outrageous. I'm mentally ill but I hope that won't be a problem when I want to get married. Is it fair to judge someone like that. I know some people won't be able to deal with such a problem because they've never had to go through it themselves but for others there will be compassion. Personally I'm not worried the Lord will give me someone who I probably won't deserve at times but if I work at the relationship in the end when I go through the veil once more I will be clean from all sickness and infirmaties. I won't be mentally ill anymore and my husband will see me for what I'm truly worth unless he didn't see it already. I say we should make a stand and be more compassionate about things like this. 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental illness in their lifetime so it's not as uncommon as you think. You might get ill yourself. Wouldn't you want the love and support from your spouse or partner if you were in that situation. So when you do find someone who you love with a mental health problem think how Christ would react. What would Jesus do? Have compassion and understanding, the world can be a frightening place at times but if you show someone love it makes their life easier.

[amethyzt]

Unfortunately it does happen that people are just people. Judgement comes from all different ways. It doesn't just have to be because of a mental disorder. There are other ways people look down upon people. It shouldn't happen but it does. I just remember that we are all human. We all judge people, no matter what anyone says. We need to look past appearances and personalities and into the heart and souls of people. That how Christ has always been :).

 

My dad is bipolar, has been for some years. It hasn't stopped him from living a normal life once he got his medication and sleep in control. He's happily married to my stepmom and they have been sealed in the temple. I hope you get that too. :)

[CountrySky]

You have to look at:

- What struggles are involved,
- How well the illness can be treated,
- How the person treats it, and
- How well you can live with the above.
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1. Look at the ILLNESS.

* What are the symptoms? How often and how much does the person experience these?
* What kinds of struggles do the symptoms cause in the person’s life and for people in their life?
* What have patterns been over time of symptoms increasing or decreasing?
* How much can treatments help?
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2. Take a clear look at what the person willing and able to do to TREAT THEIR CONDITION and HANDLE THEIR SYMPTOMS.
--Look at what the person normally DOES to manage their struggles (**not to be confused** with what they say they do, or what they did a couple times, or what you think they will do with your help, or what they promise to do in the future, etc.).

* What does the person do medically? Do they take themselves to the doctor to get advice and treatment? Will they take medicines that treat the causes and/or symptoms?
* What do they do to invest in prevention when they are not feeling ill? Do they take time to learn about their illness and how to improve treatment? Do they make lifestyle changes if these help minimize symptoms (such as get enough sleep, exercise regularly, reduce stressors, etc.)?
* Do they seek spiritual nourishment through prayer, spiritual study, attendance at meetings, etc.?
* Do they admit their struggles and partner with others for help as needed? Will they face emotional issues that may be creating problems?
* When symptoms happen, what does the person do to try to constructively handle them?
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3. Look at how ABLE and WILLING you are, and HOW MUCH you will probably need to do the following in this particular relationship:

* Emotionally support your spouse during hard times
* Fill in for your spouse sometimes when they are struggling
* Take part in treatment
* Seek ongoing education about the illness and treatments
* Tolerate symptoms hitting you directly
* Tolerate symptoms affecting your life
* Clean up damages
* Handle facing others’ reactions
* Respect your spouse
* Love your spouse
* Respect your spouse’s right to make choices
* Live with the type of choices that particular person is likely to make
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Both potential partners need to consider the possible marriage fit for both people based on answers to these questions. The person with the illness would not want a marriage where they wouldn’t receive the support they want, nor one where their spouse is unhappy.
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Having a mental condition can be compared to having a sickness that causes nausea. There is no innate blame involved with such a sickness, neither is it definitely bearable in a marriage nor definitely unbearable.

To me, in evaluating a possible marriage partnership, it matters a lot whether the person with the condition tries to prevent episodes, uses consideration to try to keep from ‘throwing up’ ONTO people, and tries to ‘clean up’ damage.

It also matters a lot how strong of a ‘stomach’ the other person has for dealing with their spouse’s sickness without getting sick themselves.

We naturally feel compassion and want to help each other when we experience sickness. And no matter what our situations, we will have to exercise tolerance for things that aren’t very pleasant at times. However, we need to be realistic and compassionate toward ourselves in evaluating partnerships for which we or a prospective partner may or may not have the ‘stomach’ needed.

[wildflower]

I have been here and done this and if I knew beforehand I most likely would pass. My first husband had Tourette Syndrome and I dealt with the issues for 15 years until he decided to move on. I took me a long time to get over the control issues that I had accepted as part of his 'needs' and the obsessive compulsive disorder associated with Tourettes. My second husband has Ausberger's as do 3 of his 4 children. This was much easier to deal with. I would still be married to him except his oldest son became a big issue in our marriage and the safety of the younger children.
Think twice about mental illnesses. Are they willing to be on medication and stay on it? If not pass - run - your safety maybe in jeopardy. If they are willing to get treatment. If they can accept the need for ongoing help, then talk to their doctors. See what the professionals have to teach you. Talk to long time friends and family. If they do not have any then accept that they most likely will not allow you to have any either.
Become educated about their type of disorder before you become committed. Depression, and some of the other mental illnesses are easily treated and can be overcome. Other mental illnesses are not so easy to treat and are life effecting forever. Make an informed decision with prayer.

[jherre]

I already did..... It didn't work out so well

[Dusty]

I already did..... It didn't work out so well

ditto

[JoiceJoker]

Nope.

[dadood]

IshaJ, I have to say that your post is the most sane, coherent, and reasonable post I've ever read from a crazy person In fact, you sound more normal than most of the people that I know that think there's nothing wrong with them.

But I think whether I'll marry someone that is mentally ill or not would depend on how hot she is I would date and marry a schizophrenic or a Loraine Bobbit if the physical attraction is there.

But seriously though... I think most relationships and marriages fail because of mental disorders. Some people just can't deal or cope with the harshness of life. Relationships with sane people are hard enough. Throw some insanity in there and things get real interesting real fast.

Yes, it's true that we are taught to put away the natural man and become a spiritual being. But our primeval urges and instincts still come into play when it comes to mate selection. We've come a long way in terms of tolerance and understanding, but I think whether someone is crazy or not will definitely be a significant factor when deciding to marry someone or not.

But I totally agree that once someone recognize that he has a problem, then it can be fixed. Then they can live normal lives just like everyone else. Personally, I think every single person on this earth is crazy in one way or another.

[JoiceJoker]

Well spoken, dadood!
Well done!

I'm just so glad you finally came out with it.
I was beginning to feel a bit alienated and bewildered, that no one else discovered your insanity yet.

So now you can start therapy! Have you already picked out a therapist?
If not, I can help you there. (Right. You'll never leave the mental-institution again, that's for sure)