How do you feel about dating someone with children?

[drummerchick66]

Umm.. I don't have that much dating experience. So I might be okay with dating someone with children as long as I wasn't the very close in age with the children. That would be awkward.

[FreshAir]

Ha ha... I was only 14 years older than my step-son... It was really funny when I would take him to the mall for video games and the clerk would say "It sure is cool of your older brother to come down and buy games for you..." and we'd just look at each other knowingly and nod.

-Fresh

[dalibbles]

Honestly, I love kids but I don't know about dating someone with kids. I realise as I get older (and because of my "remote" location) I probably won't have much of a choice but I think it could be a real strain on a relationship. I know lots of people make it work but personally, I think for me it would be hard. I dunno.

[emilayskie]

This is the perfect forum thread for me. Thanks for bringing it up.

I am a single mother too and just like what the others have said, I personally don't want to date guys who are single, no children, returned missionaries. I just couldn't imagine hearing their mothers telling about their son "My son is a returned missionary. Now he's married. Her wife is a single mother." Something like that. My son is already 3 years old and I'm sure that's what I don't want to hear myself say when he gets to this kind of situation.

In our country where divorce is not a legal option, dating somebody from the church becomes very hard. We don't have too many member single parents here in our country. In fact I am the only single parent in our ward, even our stake. I always end up dating men from other faith who are willing to be converted and wants to be the father of my son but in the end I would reject them because of our differences. I am active at church and holds callings but I don't like attending SA activities anymore because I would always feel that I am not their kind.

[JoiceJoker]

Single moms all over the globe seem to be outcasts.
We just don't fit in, especially when we have children.
My daughters are still young (8, 6, 5).

I went to SA activities three times in all. Not any more....
There's really no one I could hang out with. Therefore the activities became pointless and more of a strain on my patience and positive mindset than anything else.

I'm dismayed at the prejudice of members of our faith, no matter in which direction it points. I receive more acceptance amongst non-members, sometimes even inactives make more sense.

I find it undeniably tough to find someone of my faith, with a like attitude, with the endurance that it takes in order to break through my shield and the willingness to be a friend to my kids.

With all of that in mind, when I read about members being outcasted due to traditions or false beliefs and actions, it ignites my wrath!!!

[FreshAir]

Don't give up. There are guys out there who are willing to take on a whole family, problems and all, but keep in mind, that most guys probably fear the opposite of what you are thinking... When I got married, I went in to the deal with no fears at all, and operated as if my family were indestructible. My parents were cautious at first, but eventually accepting of my blended family.

The line in the song is "Families can be together forever"... emphasis mine. There is no guarantee that your family will be together forever, as it is dependent on the actions of everyone in the family, not just yours.

On several occasions my step-children told me that I was too good, and that I was setting too high a standard for them. What a slap to my face! I never imagined that my step-kids would pull away from me for being too good, while my ex-wife told me that I was not righteous enough. So earlier when I said that I didn't know if I could do it again, that's why. Because despite my best efforts, I couldn't make everyone happy. And fear of repeating that event is a powerful deterrent.

For what its worth: don't give up.

-Fresh

[dokar]

I am not too big on forums but I feel like responding to this. I don't really know how to express what I felt while reading all the responses to this brother's question. Being a parent comes from the heart not from the blood. I have been married three times and in each marriage there were Children and Grandchildren involved; and my Love was given unconditionally as a Father and Grandfather (through marriage) I can tell you now that after 10 years of divorce from my last wife, that my heart still aches for the loss of those sweet little Children/Grandchildren of hers (mine). It did not matter that they were not of my blood. I showed them all the Love that was mine to offer. I still care about them and they are still in my prayers even though I have not seen them for many years.

I feel that there are those who have commented on this particular thread, who need to seriously look at their understanding of the Lord's Gospel and make some much needed changes in their lives; or they will never find happiness; whether they re-marry again or not.

If we cannot accept another person into our life based on if he/she has children, then we need to repent and ask the Lord's help to be the sons and daughters He wants us to be.

I am sure that there are more women with children who find it hard to find someone to accept her and her children than there are men with children trying to find a women to accept him and his children.

I often wonder why it is that we like to label each other ( saying Men are this way or Women are this way) There are only two, Man and Woman; therefore we should be content to say that People are strange and the boat, that we like to put each other in, is a very crowded place with Men and Women alike

First in our lives is God, then our spouse, then our children. One day children will leave and have their own families and we will have God and our spouse.

Well, enough of my rambling.

I pray that we will all find someone to share our lives with, who will Love, Honor, Respect, and Cherish us; as we do the same for them.

[JoiceJoker]

I'm not even close to giving up!
And that's not the point either. The reason for my emotional outbreak (and I'm beating up my keyboard right now) is, that I see women being treated like they are "unworthy" of a partnership as soon as they bring along "accessories".

This does not affect those who have a different mindset. But it needs to be communicated. Otherwise they fall into the category of hypocrites.

Traditions and such can provide for an unhealthy environment for women in this particular situation, just like it's been stated before. Guys who would otherwise marry a divorcée with children are pressed hard to fit in with the crowd.

[c3ormsby]

Honestly, the thought of it is unerving, but I have children myself so I suppose I shouldn't be such a skeptic about it. My sons are so easy going and accepting of others, I think they would "blend" easily. I'm the one who is "old and set in my ways" so to speak.

I started my family much later in life than most, so most people my age are preparing for grandchildren and I still have children at home. And there are far more single women than there are men, and especially so among church members. There just aren't enough "worthy" available men to go around; and I won't settle for anything less for my family.

Granted, there are a few more fish in the non-member pool, but ... I'm not going to "settle" and possibly put my families eternal progression at risk. Not that there aren't good people who aren't members, but children are impressionable and mine would look up to whomever I chose. If he was a non-member, that might give them cause to question the gospel. So... we go it alone... for now.

[Bradfrazier]

I've dated plenty of women who have had children. I love kids, don't have a problem with them. I do know however that it is easier to date someone with out kids because you don't have to worry about a baby sitter or if the kid might get sick all of a sudden etc. But like i said, either way, not a problem for me.

[doopahdoo]

I don't mind dating guys with children, but I need to get to know the guy first,k outside of the context of his children. (I suppose it could work simultaneously, but I don't know how well)
It is not that I don't want to know your child, nor that I wouldn't treat that child as my own should we get married, its b/c I really really like kids. And if I only see the man with the child, then I'm not going to be objective about my feelings towards the man.

I also don't like the men who introduce me to their child on the first date. (or 2nd/3rd) Tell me you have a child yes, but I shouldn't be meeting them until I am a somewhat more stable person in your life.

[mommaky24]

i am not someone to ask so i dont know why im even saying somthing.... lol

i have a child from a previous relationship, and i personally from a females point of view ( prior to having children) i wouldnt have given it two thoughts to say no to date a guy with children, things have changed in my mind about life now and i think a man with children needs a women just us much as i ( a woman) needs a man in my life, i am all for dating a man with a child or multiple children, i think it comes down to the children excepting their parental unit, letting another into ones life.
but yes i think dating somone who has children is just as important as dating somone without children, we all need love here guys! =)

[lilbabybumblebee]

Personally I would MUCH prefer to date a man with children. There is a maturity and an understanding of sacrifice that can only come through becoming a parent. Though blended families take a lot of effort, I think there could be great rewards as well. I agree with what some of you have said I think it is a lot easier when the children are smaller. I have two boys of my own so a blended family is my only option. I would love to create a beautiful relationship with the children of the man I marry. I have a little bit of a different way of seeing things. The man I marry will be everything to me I will love him entirely and even though his children aren't mine they are part of him so how could I help but love them as a continuation of my eternal love for my husband. Of course if these children hated me and only wanted to get rid of me that would be very difficult. Also I think it is the parents job to give his/her spouse a position of respect that he or she deserves in front of his/her children. I think a couple that is entirely devoted to each other can make it work.

[dokar]

I am fine with dating a woman with children. Family is what Heavenly Father's Plan is all about! If we cannot love the children of our possible future wife, then we need to seriously evaluate just what kind of son of God we are.