Can you fall in love on the net

[LilMiss_Kiwi]

Hey everyone

 

 Here is a question for all of us to ponder on.

Can you  truely met someone on line and fall in love with out metting them face to face.

[designgurl]

No.

Well. Maybe....

 

No. 

[LilMiss_Kiwi]

I sort have to agree I think you can   have feelings for someone before you met them, I dont think it is love I would say its the Idea of falling in love, I think the 99% of the people in the world today would love to met the one person, met the person who the are so in love with that every day they fall in love more and I think that sometimes people get the  true feelings of love confused with wanting to be in love,

[LilMiss_Kiwi]

I  really like your thinking and the way you look at things rand.

 

[smurfette]

I think it would be hard to fall in love without first meeting the person face to face. If it's someone far away I recommend a one-nighter in Vegas to see if you hit it off.

[Lhene]

YES...but it's for you to find out whether the person is really sincere, don't just like him/her but feel the truthfulness on that individual

[blbarbie033]

No! You don't get that connection..the looks, the touch.

You get something on a screen..typed. And you don't truly know who actually typed it to you..So no.

No love to be found here.

[lindsay48]

 I think that too many people confuse love for physical attraction. I think that you can love a person for their beliefs, thoughtfulness, and personality, even when you have never met them. I think that you get a more honest reaction to someone when you meet them face to face, but I think the attraction, or lack thereof play a lot into it.
 I don't know if I can really compare this, but I look at all the cultures that have arranged marriages, and although they don't get to see or talk to eachother before getting married, they often in the long run end up loving eachother. I think that there is enough to love about anyone that you could find that sort of feeling from someone, even just from talking to them online. What was the apostle quote... "Any good man and any good woman could make it work together" or something like that.

[rockchic99]

It does happen but some people can be so dishonest over the net I guess you just have to be careful and trust your instinct.

[SongofDeborah]

I think you might fall in love but until you meet someone in person, well...I met someone from a single's column once and we corresponded for about 6 months.  This guy sent me all kinds of presents, money, etc., and even a airline ticket to see him.  We thought we were helplessly in love and would talk hours on the phone.  When I met him in person he said he just wasn't attracted to me as I was too fat for his taste.  It really hurt.  Hurt for a long time.  I had even moved to be close to him!  Don't make this stupid mistake I did!

[serapha]

To this day , i have not fallen in love over the internet.  But i have found myslef falling in love with pictures of certain people. Not sure i can call it love but i just cant get certain pictures out of my mind. And this has gone on through the years.  Though it would be nice to find someone , compatible.

[drnice]

You can have feelings you may think of as love, but those feelings are only fantasy, not real love.  Real love requires real interaction with real people, not imaginary interactions with imaginary people.  You can imagine what I am like by reading something I have written, but unless you have met me in real life all you know about me is what you imagine.  "Falling in love" with a fantasy is a sure formula for emotional disaster.

[JoiceJoker]

It is possible to fall in love with the IDEA of someone.
Because if you haven´t met how would you know WHO you felt in love with?

The physical side effect is still the same. The release of chemical substances such as
adrenaline, epinephrine and norepinephrine still provoke the same feelings and thoughts as if you´d meet IRL and sparks were initiated.

And it doesn´t matter how you try to turn it it´s still the chemical reaction of love. Regardless of it´s triggers. It may be dump. It may be reckless. But sometimes there is nothing to prevent it.

Unless you shut yourself completely out of life itself - then there is a definite possibility that you may never ever have to worry about letting anyone in on your life. On the other hand - why the heck would you be here then?
Because this forum is so much fun? (I rather doubt that this is the only reason!)

Now, the dangerous part is when you start all sorts of irrational things like giving up your job or something equivalent based on thin air.

There´s really only one advise I can give - take your time.
With E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! (yes, even when you´re suffering the consequences of an adrenalin rush to complete exhaustion to the extent that all you can do is faint)
Make sure you place a mattress near by

[Dusty]

I agree with Joice, more specifically, I agree that you can fall in love with the idea of someone. I recently had this happen to me, in fact. I was 99% sure I was going to marry this girl before I had even met her in person, and even after meeting her in person. After spending a lot more time with her, however, I realized she wasn't the person I had idealized her to be. This was after skyping (video calling) every day for nearly 4 months straight, minus the days that we were together.

So now, I really believe you need to spend time with a person before you can really "fall in love" with them. The length of time you need to spend will vary from person to person.

[JoiceJoker]

I´m going into advanced detail a little bit.

After the first symptoms of "love initiation" (also described as butterflies) wear off IRL you start up the "bonding stage" in which couples build a deeper level of love (check drnice´s explanation) and thus deeper connection.

Without the "chemistry" or attraction to one another there usually is no further advancement towards bonding unless it´s based on friendship.

Yes, friendship is also necessary for a working relationship while an exclusive friendship doesn´t contain the "romantic" ingredient.

Needles to say that bonding is an ongoing process and also requires quite an amount of effort which also provides more control compared to the initial spark phase.

From what I´ve learned as growing up on the free market (non-member) when friendship is offered there is NO WAY that this will EVER lead to a romantic relationship.

Unless LDS´s work differently...........
I don´t know since I just recently developed the thought of having a partner again.
And since I´m a convert.............(feel free to fill in the blanks)

[dadood]

I have to admit that I find it easier to fall in love with the idea of someone online than it is to fall in love with them in real life. I think it's easier to fall in love with someone online because our minds fill in the missing parts. And our minds usually fill in idealistic and perfect images of them.

On the other hand, I think people tend to be their true selves online. Under the mask of anonymity, people tend to be their true selves when they don't have to put up an act because there's no real repercussion for a bad act or behavior. In real life, we have to worry about proper behavior and decorum and what others will think and judge of us.

[mommom31]

I think there are a lot of good actors in the world. You could fall for who they are acting as. Then they can all of a sudden up and change their act.

If you really loved them as a person, it wouldn't matter.

One thing you cannot change is yourself. You can act a certain way and lead people to believe you are a certain way, but deep down you are still the same you. Only the Lord can change that.

[wight13]

I think there are a lot of good actors in the world. You could fall for who they are acting as. Then they can all of a sudden up and change their act.

If you really loved them as a person, it wouldn't matter.

One thing you cannot change is yourself. You can act a certain way and lead people to believe you are a certain way, but deep down you are still the same you. Only the Lord can change that.

Wow... I'm not sure if I'm understanding you correctly when you say it wouldn't matter if you loved them as a person. If you fall in love with someone who was only acting in order to deceive you and then they change their act it would most certainly matter. You could really love someone as a person but that doesn't mean that you would necessarily be in love with them. And although we are supposed to love all people, it is difficult when they have wronged us or deceived us. It is especially hard to be in love with someone when we find out they are not at all what we perceived them to be. If their deception was deliberate, we may one day find a way to forgive them and love them despite their transgressions but to fall in love with them would be next to impossible. Had you known truly who they were you may never have fell in love with them in the first place.

I disagree that you cannot change yourself. I especially disagree that only the Lord can change people. That concept seems to negate the concept that we have free agency.

[JoiceJoker]

I'm convinced that the Lord doesn't change people.

He might offer thoughts and feelings (personal revelation) that can lead to you changing yourself.

But the choice is and will be always yours.

Even though our scriptures describe the change of hearts of the people in many different verses, they had to be willing to accept the change first.

Or do you think that we are just puppets in a grand scheme of these proportions?

[mommom31]

What I should have maybe said, is that we can allow to let the Lord influence us.

It's true that we have the free agency to change ourselves.

Some people are physically not able to do certain things. We're told not to run faster than we have the strength.

The Lord can work miracles in our lives, and we have to open the door he is knocking on.

[mommom31]

Face it, though. If someone tells you they like _insert name_better than you, and you are not _, you can't change into being __.

[wight13]

How very true mommom. I have been saying that for years... I had a girlfriend once who's ex-boyfriend came back saying he'd made a mistake to let her go right after we started to get serious. She considered taking him back but after two weeks told me "Congratulations! You won!". I told her I didn't realize it was a competition and she said: "Of course it is." I said it couldn't possibly be because she either liked her ex better or me. I can't possibly compete with being a better him and he couldn't be a better me.

[JoiceJoker]

So, you don't want to be someone else?
Do I sense an unravelling ego?

[wight13]

Not to worry... my ego is intact and the universe is still safe.

[JoiceJoker]

Oh I'm not worried.......just curious. *smile*

[mommom31]

I was told that by someone, but I guess it didn't bother me too much because I had two more children after being told that they liked ___insertname__ better than me.

I suppose it bothers me more now than it did then. I mean after the divorce. I get so angry about it. The nerve of him. ugh

My mother said I took it too far. I guess it must have bothered me.

[mezzovoce]

I know this is a bit of an old chain, but I wanted to thank a few of you for your posts. I needed the words to say to someone and your forum provided them... esp drnice...
I have only been on this thing a week and have decided there are more unstable people than stable ones... or at least that's what it seems... I paid for 3 months... think I'm giving up earlier than that...

[wight13]

"I have only been on this thing a week and have decided there are more unstable people than stable ones"

But isn't that just like real life? :-)

[ThomasFieger76]

I dont believe it because it was never so, but maybe in one day?

[mezzovoce]

I suppose you're correct wight13... I expected this to be different, silly me

[JoiceJoker]

I dont believe it because it was never so, but maybe one day?

Thomas, Deine Aussage ist widersprüchlich. Glaubst Du's denn jetzt oder nicht? *verwirrt*
(You're statement is contradictory. Du you believe it or do you not? *even in English, still confused*)


And mezzovoze,
I give you full fourteen days of intense internet communication on here and you'll be just as unstable as I have become. Unless you have found a way of shielding yourself somehow. In that case, let me know - seriously. :-)

[mezzovoce]

Perhaps...
Then it won't matter, I'll fit right in...

[wight13]

Mezzovoze,

My first reply was tongue and cheek (tho perhaps not necessarily untrue) but don't loose hope so quickly. The unstable ones are likely more visible and will be the first encountered. There are literally thousands of people on this site. I doubt you have taken a large enough subsampling to get very far past the crazies that seem to float on the surface. (Like pond scum? ...Is that too harsh?) at least on-line you can sift thru the sluff in relative safety...

Anyhow, I wish you luck.

[mezzovoce]

I'm sure you are correct. I'll check up on things once in a while, for now, I'm keeping a relatively low, or at least "lower" profile. I was too quick to respond to people and perhaps provided too much information. I will attempt to be less verbose and just watch how things unfold for awhile. Thanks.